How do you mend broken hearts?
How do you heal a broken heart? I don’t have all the answers as there are many ways a heart is broken. As the mother of 5 daughters, it seems a day doesn’t go by without some sort of “heart damage control”. Of course this is not exclusive to girls, I believe the fellas get just as confused and hurt; they just don’t show it or they show it in different ways.
I have a saying that I use – “Let her cry”. Upon seeing a female in their lives sobbing, some men will say, “What are you crying for? Stop crying.” But I stand by my woman’s wisdom, “Just let her cry”. Crying cleanses the heart and mind and releases neurotransmitters and other brain chemicals that dull the pain. Remember girls, those men who let you cry are true assets in a girl’s life. I’m not saying he should callously stand by and watch you or ignore your agony by zipping to the kitchen and making a sandwich. He can hold you, rub your back and just let you cry without trying to get you to push your feelings back.
Boyfriends, girlfriends, or spouses don’t cause all the broken hearts.
Broken hearts also arise when you feel let down or betrayed by someone you love – someone outside of your significant intimate relationship – like a brother, close friend, or pastor. The weeping eyes that reveal a broken heart could come from the loss of a loved one, someone you had in your life every day, but whose light is now gone from your world forever.
In any relationship connection, we transfer our life energy to one another; thus, the saying “Energy flows where attention goes”. When the amounts remain equal, the relationship stays in balance. But when the amounts of energy become unequal, the relationship will careen out of balance, creating a conflict in your heart, mind, and world. This disconnect of the relational energy flow will most likely compel you to do or say things that do not fit within the matrix of your typical behavior and personality.
Have you ever spoken to someone after a break up and heard them say, “All of the red flags I ignored turned out to be true”? Or has a trusted friend ever told you, “I saw this coming, but I was afraid to tell you”? Tends to make you distrust your judgment in choosing relationships, huh?
I came across 6 tips that I’ve passed on to friends in similar situations. I didn’t come up with these myself, but I can’t recall where I found them, but want to share them with you:
1. Practice self awareness.Try to understand why you are upset. Understand that we learn from every experience.
2. Don’t think about who’s at fault – at one time or another, everyone makes mistakes.
3. Do something quiet and relaxing to help you regain peace and begin to feel better. Take a hot bath, meditate, or read a book.
4. Whenever you feel ready, start thinking about whether you can accept the other person’s feelings as valid. This doesn’t mean you agree, just that you validate their true feelings.
5. If you feel collected and centered enough, go ahead and call the person, or write them a letter. Maybe you think talking face-to-face will work best. They may reject an invitation for a meeting, but you should make an effort. Even if they turn you down, you’ll feel better that you tried.
6. Understand what causes a broken heart in the first place. An unbalanced relationship causes an uneven distribution of incoming and outgoing energy. This is why we may feel insecure, needy or clingy in a relationship. Recognizing this and moving forward represents the best option.
About the Author, Catherine Grinnan Twitter Handle @cathygrinnan
Catherine Grinnan is your sassy everyday mother of 8, business woman and blogger living life at warp speed. Catherine has a charity called Pediatric Heart Association that was formed because of the life experience of having 3 children born with Congenitial Heart Defect. Catherine and her daughter, Hannah, speak on a regular basis about heart disease, organ donation and how love can get you through anything. Catherine’s favorite past times are mani/pedis, her grandchildren, and learning new cheers that her 3 teenage daughters are practicing. You can contact Catherine through LinkedIN. Come back at visit Catherine at RockScar Love where she will be blogging bi-weekly!
Catherine’s favorite heart healing RockScar Love shirt is “Love me. Love my scar”.